


When The Bough Breaks

by sudapigrafool



Category: 30 Seconds to Mars
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-02
Updated: 2014-12-02
Packaged: 2018-02-27 21:42:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2707787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sudapigrafool/pseuds/sudapigrafool
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>post-TIW tour; Shannon needs a break, Jared needs his brother</p>
            </blockquote>





	When The Bough Breaks

The first signs were so subtle, Shannon missed them completely. But, of course he did. He wasn’t even there, and that’s what he blames himself for the most. Not being there when he should have been. Not being with Jared after the end of the tour when experience had taught him better and he should have known. But somehow he’d convinced himself this time it would be okay.

Part of it, Shannon admits to himself now, was the fact that his own life was already on a knife’s edge. They’d been together too much for too long. Both living under the same roof all through the brutal years of the lawsuit that had nearly killed them -- first, as a team, but then individually -- sticking it out, maintaining a united front, but still managing to get on each other’s nerves. There were, inevitably, bad moments and cracks in the foundation of what was nearly unbreakable between them. Shannon had struggled under the weight of his own anxiety and frustration, but so had Jared. He knew, he could read the signs. There were secrets and internal battles, and things left unsaid while they fought every impulse to take it out on one another, to lay blame.

And so, they’d gritted it out all through the intensity of recording their new album, almost entirely in a fit of spite and rage against the label. Which, Shannon now realizes, was a damn strange place to go looking for the inspiration to stay together -- in precisely the thing that was tearing them apart. And later, during everything that followed in those relentless months and years of touring that it took to promote the new record, it was just more and more of the same.

Sometimes, to Shannon, it felt like he’d been holding his breath and biting back words the entire time -- it had been hang on, or hang it up. He couldn’t begin to count the hours he’d spent denying himself a nicotine fix while Jared fought off the ravages of a persistent lung infection. It wasn’t his brother’s fault, but just a _cigarette_ to soothe over the rough spots would have been nice. Some sex would have been welcome, too, but that wasn’t in the offing either. So would a _drink_ , but that was totally out of the question. Old struggles, old stresses, old triggers… Once it was finally over, Shannon had really needed some time and space on his own.

So he took it. New friends, a new home - his own home for a change, and a new gig DJ-ing with Antoine. He’d either been preoccupied working on his new material, or he’d been out of the country playing clubs. But since he and Jared had no secrets from each other, he’d shared every decision with his brother at every step along the way. And Jared had been supportive and encouraging. Everything had seemed fine.

Or, at least that’s what Shannon had told himself. That’s what he’d let himself believe. After all, Jared had his video production company. Jared had his fledgling internet promotions company, too. Plus now, Jared was involved in another new startup for live streaming concerts, beginning with one of their own. And when the tour had finally ended, Jared went back to editing his films. A little compulsively, perhaps, but that was Jared for you.

So Shannon barely noticed while Jared was losing himself in his work, losing track of time, gradually losing his sense of perspective. Forgetting what day it was, or when he ate last. Little by little, Jared had dropped off of Shannon’s radar; out of sight, and out of mind.

He’d seemed perfectly okay, though, when he left for Texas. That much Shannon had been aware of, or at least that’s what he’d thought. Tired already and harried, but when wasn’t Jared pushing his limits? There were clients to see and people to meet, and SXSW awaited. He was taking Emma with him, so Shannon didn’t worry. In fact, Shannon barely took much notice at all. After the endless years of non-stop immersion in the world of Thirty Seconds to Mars, he was feeling pretty dedicated to putting some well earned distance between himself and Jared’s personal obsessions. Not forever, but… just taking a breather, for now, for a little while, temporarily.

That is, until Jared unexpectedly messaged that he might not make it back in time for Shannon’s field day birthday celebration. Really? Okay, but that was… odd. Still, Jared was quick to reassured him he’d be there in plenty of time for the party and for Shannon to cut the cake. Come Hell or high water. He was just feeling a little sick, and wasn’t sure he’d be up to a softball game anyway. He might take a later flight.

*are you throwing up?* Shannon had texted, suddenly suspicious, then waited anxiously for a reply.

*Just this a.m.*

*are you eating?*

*Barely but Im okay now - miss you*

And with that Shannon had shrugged off the first niggling twinge of apprehension. Probably a touch of food poisoning, or something he’d picked up on the plane. After all, Shannon remembered he’d caught himself one killer of a head cold right after they got back to LA last Christmas. It was as if they’d been gone so long all the local germs were like new to them. At the time, he’d guessed it was sort of the inevitable "welcome home."

Jared did change his flight, but had still come straight from working the last SXSW afterparty, skipping sleep except for what little he got on the plane and barely stopping by the house long enough to drop off his bags. He’d changed into a clean shirt and immediately headed to the park, but when Shannon first laid eyes on him, standing in the dappled sunlight beneath the trees, right away he’d noticed how drawn and pale his brother looked. And how he seemed to be wearing way too many layers of clothing for a hot, hazy Los Angeles afternoon.

Then, in an instant, Jared was smiling that radiant smile of his that could melt hearts and saying everything was okay now. And Shannon believed him.

At first.

These days Jared spends his time in the garden, resting in a small patch of shade waiting, he says, for the time of his "lying-in." Today, when Shannon comes to check on him, he finds Jared nested in a favorite blanket that curls around him like the petals of a crushed rose. Outside, the otherwise peaceful silence is broken only by the transient hum of insects noises and an occasional rustle of leaves rising and falling on the soft breeze. Jared tells Shannon that, for those who can hear, it is the sound of angel voices whispering prayers and secrets. Shannon notes with alarm how Jared’s face is glowing, high with color. Wan and beatific for weeks, his skin has been so white it’s seemed nearly translucent, but now his cheeks are flushed pink as if in the grip of some kind of fever.

They tell him it will be a boy child, Jared says, born with great toil and sorrow. In silent awe his long, thin fingers flutter against the shallow inward curve of his belly, caressing what he believes to be there. With liquid eyes the color of oceans, he turns to look up at his brother. At first his lips move wordlessly in ecstatic prayers of his own, and then he smiles a strange, other-worldly smile at Shannon, and tells him they will have a son.

\--stop--

 


End file.
